CASTIEL Castiel's opals are black lightning ridge opals, that look near transluscent at the edges and like they're filled with black and blue nebulas plans: Castiel will be in good spirits initially - with the light illuminating more of Beacon, he can make better use of his wings and will happy teleport around at greater distances than before. However, once memories start dropping and he realizes that some of his closely bottled up trauma and guilt is on display to people who find his opals, he will absolutely make himself rare as his shame and guilt overwhelm him, causing him to avoid people. They're welcome to seek him out or, if they have close CR with him and know to do it, pray to him even when he fails to answer messages on his tablet.
Various Memories of emotional importance of his family in heaven and on earth as well as humanity at large, whom he failed and feels he could never redeem himself to now that he's in Beacon. This includes some people who have recently arrived in Beacon with him. (cw for graphic torture, mind control, mind alteration, mass murder, depression, suicidal ideation, religious themes, murder, mentions of prostitution and soooo much guilt)
A long, long time ago
Standing with several of his older siblings and observing the first fish crawl onto land. An older angel holds Castiel back gently and tells him 'Be careful, Castiel. Big plans for that fish.
Flying and observing the world his Father created in all its beauty and glory. Yet through the ages seeing so much pain and suffering that for a long time, he almost doesn't see the good and the beauty that is still there.
Before the Apocalypse
Anna, his former leader and general turned fallen angel and traitor, touching his hand and assuring him that it's alright to doubt Heaven, to think for himself, to make his own choices and decide for himself what's right and wrong. Castiel pulling away from her and coldly telling her that he's nothing like her - yet continuing to let her encourage his path towards free will
Uriel, his partner and ally, who reveals himself a traitor who no longer believes in Heaven, and nearly kills Castiel until Anna interferes - leaving Castiel to wonder if Uriel failed him or if somewhere along the line he failed Uriel.
Dean confronting Castiel in Heaven's Green Room, knowing that Castiel has begun to question his superiors, trying to make him see that letting the Apocalypse happen is wrong, that Heaven is wrong, that humanity is worth defending... and Castiel shortly after deciding to stand with Dean for what is right, for Dean's cause, for humanity, defying his superiors, and becoming a traitor to his own kind, ready to lay down his billion year long life to defend humanity's right to exist
Castiel asking Jimmy Novak, a devout Christian, for permission to use his body as a vessel. This memory pack includes confirmation that this body used to belong to a regular normal man with a family, the fact that Castiel briefly had to relocate into Jimmy's 9 year old daughter Claire, who agrees to let Castiel use her to save her father, who then begs Castiel to let his daughter go and take him back as a vessel. When Castiel dies for the first time, so does Jimmy, who now rests in Heaven, and the body is restored without its human soul for Castiel to keep using. Includes memories of previous vessels that Castiel used, but always let go after completing the mission for which he needed a vessel, and a sense of regret and guilt for Jimmy's death making that a moot point with this body. Includes memories of 9 year old Claire praying to Castiel throughout the years to keep her father safe. Castiel has not returned to her in order to tell her that Jimmy has died.
During the Apocalypse
Various Angels (Hunted and Rebelled): After eventually choosing to decide for himself what he considers right and wrong, defying Heaven's plans and helping the Winchesters in their attempts to stop the Apocalypse and save humanity, being exiled from Heaven and hunted by his brothers and sisters as a traitor and rebel, begging several of them to stand down and not force his hand. They do not stand down, and he defends himself against them, kills them, and subsequently feels guilt and remorse for turning his back on Heaven and defying his siblings, even though he's doing what he believes is right.
After plotting to summon the archangel Raphael and believing that Castiel will likely end up dead, Dean and Castiel embark on a last night on earth mission in which Dean brings Castiel to a brothel and tries to get Castiel to lose his virginity. Castiel lets a prostitute lead him away at Dean's insistence and assures her that it wasn't her fault her father left but rather his hatred for his job at the post office, which ends up offending her and leads to Dean and Castiel having to make a hasty retreat. In the ally behind the brothel, Dean puts an arm around and Castiel's shoulder and just laughs, causing Castiel to smile. It's a strange memory - but a happy one.
Various memories of sitting in the back seat of Dean's car, with Sam and Dean in the front, rock music blaring, the world falling to pieces around them, Castiel's brothers and sisters hunting them, and Castiel still feeling like there's something right in the world, at least, right here with these people. The memories have a wistful air to them, like a sense of feeling homesick. Castiel, at this stage in his life, doesn't quite yet know that he considers these humans not just his charges, but his family, and associates their presence with 'home'. The feeling is there, even if at the time he wasn't yet aware of it.
Trapped in a ring of holy fire, Castiel nearly steps into the flames just to defiantly get into Lucifer's face to tell him: "You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won't let you.", along with the rest of that conversation.
During Heaven's Civil War
After the archangel Raphael threatens to kill Castiel and restart the Apocalypse heand the Winchesters fought so hard to prevent, various angels rally around Castiel, seeking guidance and leadership from him as the angel who gained free will and stopped the Plan, leaving nothing but choice and freedom in its wake. Fuelled by wanting to protect his loved ones and humanity, but also driven by a growing spark of pride and hubris, Castiel accepts leadership over them, and subsequently starting a civil war in Heaven to defy Raphael's plans. He is continuously forced to abandon his human allies for the war, and his brothers and sisters in heaven for his human allies.
Praying to God and begging for guidance from his Father, because Castiel feels like he's on a dark path, but sees no other options in order to save everything he holds dear, even if this past is going to cost him the very people he's seeking to protect. Receiving no answer, Castiel concludes that free will is a length of rope, and that his Father must want him to hang himself with it. Feeling alone and backed into a corner of his own making, he doubles down on his path.
After making a deal with the King of Hell and allowing his own lies and dealings to drive away his friends and allies, Castiel corrupts himself by ingesting thousands of monster souls from Purgatory to finally gain enough power to kill Raphael and put a stop the archangels plan to subjugate Heaven and re-start the Apocalypse. Subsequently, he is overtaken by the sheer power of thousands of ancient, monstrous souls inside of him, and in one fell strike vanquishes every single one of Raphael's supporters, laying waste to half of Heaven's population, killing thousands of angels without giving them a chance to yield.
After the Civil War, Naomi & her Mind-Control:
Choosing to let Dean escape Purgatory alone in order to stay behind by himself, surrounded by monsters that are relentlessly hunting him, drawn like moths to the light of his grace - thinking that this is where he belongs, that he deserves it in punishment for everything he did wrong, fully believing himself beyond redemption, causing Dean survivor's guilt in the process
Confessing to Dean that he doesn't want to return to Heaven, not because he's afraid of other angels killing him, but because he's afraid that if confronted with what he did to his own kind, he might just kill himself
Deciding to find his path to redemption by traveling the world, trying to do good in whatever capacity Castiel can. The opal contains several memories of healing the sick, helping people in need and answering prayers - bringing down a baby's fever, ensuring the survival of a rescue kitten a little girl is praying for, guiding a ship through a storm, steadying a doctor's hand in surgery... and eventually, Heaven catches up to Castiel and drags him back into its fold and away from his chosen path.
Various memories of being strapped down with the angel Naomi standing over him, inserting a drill into his mind and rearranging it under excruciating pain, trying to 'reset' him to 'factory settings' and turn him back into a mindless soldier, once again stripped of free will
Wanting to save Samandriel, an angel captured and tortured by demons, but under Naomi's mind control and orders killing him despite begging not to be made to do this, as killing more angels is the last thing that Castiel wants to do
Being taken back to Heaven to kill life-like copies of Dean Winchester until he breaks and can do it without feeling, without remorse, without caring, like the mindless soldier he's meant to be. It takes hundreds of copies before his mind breaks to her control in the desired way.
Being forced to try and kill the real Dean by Naomi, pleading with her, trying to refuse her will because he doesn't want to hurt Dean, and yet beating down on his best friend relentlessly while Dean is trying to reach him, remind him of who he is, while Naomi makes him choose: "Us or them." And Castiel chooses, once again, one family over the other. Castiel finally drops his weapon and breaks free of Naomi's control, but not of the guilt he has over how close he came.
Memories of his last conversation with Naomi, shortly before his death and a while after he's broken through her mind control and was on the run from her: Naomi tells him "You came off the line with a crack in your chassis" and "You don't even die right", plus confirms that she's meddled with his mind "too many times to count", that even though he doesn't remember being involved in atrocities like the massacre of the innocents, he was there, but had to undergo re-indoctrination again... and again... and again... as he 'never quite did as he was told', leaving behind a mind that for billions of years was never his own, filled with holes that he doesn't know about, unable to trust his memories.
Meg
The following is a bundle of memories about a demon turned reluctant ally turned Castiel's caretaker turned Castiel's love interest, who grew sweet on him as he grew sweet on her, who made him her cause, and who died to ensure his and the Winchester's safe escape from the demon Crowley - a sacrifice that was in vain, because not long after, Cowley eventually deals him the killing blow that ends with Castiel in Beacon.
The flicker of doubt in her eyes when he tells her Lucifer is only using her and the other demons and doesn't care about her
Their first and only kiss a long time later as Castiel witnesses her willingness to sacrifice herself to give him and the Winchesters a shot at taking down the demon Crowley
After she watches over him for weeks while he's broken in a mental hospital, finding comfort in her patience for his state, calling her 'thorny and beautiful' just to see her exasperation while she fights a smile.
Her declaration that he's just a little bit bad, which is all kinds of hot, and she's just a little bit good (she calls that yuck), including her suggesting that after their current mission the two of them move some furniture and see where things go from there between them. His feeling of fondness for this demon who has decided he's a worthy cause, whose flirtations over the years turned from aiming to vex him to something sweeter
The ache of feeling her die, a sacrifice made to allow Sam, Dean and Castiel to escape, feeling her death to be another loss he's responsible for, and feeling like she died for nothing because he dies shortly after and ends up in Beacon, a feeling of loss he's kept buried and bottled up along with everyone else he's lost along the way, because he's billions of years old and yet never quite learned how to cope with loss, or how to share the pain of losing siblings and loved ones no one else appears to care about.
Castiel
Castiel's opals are black lightning ridge opals, that look near transluscent at the edges and like they're filled with black and blue nebulas
plans: Castiel will be in good spirits initially - with the light illuminating more of Beacon, he can make better use of his wings and will happy teleport around at greater distances than before. However, once memories start dropping and he realizes that some of his closely bottled up trauma and guilt is on display to people who find his opals, he will absolutely make himself rare as his shame and guilt overwhelm him, causing him to avoid people. They're welcome to seek him out or, if they have close CR with him and know to do it, pray to him even when he fails to answer messages on his tablet.
Various Memories of emotional importance of his family in heaven and on earth as well as humanity at large, whom he failed and feels he could never redeem himself to now that he's in Beacon. This includes some people who have recently arrived in Beacon with him. (cw for graphic torture, mind control, mind alteration, mass murder, depression, suicidal ideation, religious themes, murder, mentions of prostitution and soooo much guilt)
A long, long time ago
- Standing with several of his older siblings and observing the first fish crawl onto land. An older angel holds Castiel back gently and tells him 'Be careful, Castiel. Big plans for that fish.
- Flying and observing the world his Father created in all its beauty and glory. Yet through the ages seeing so much pain and suffering that for a long time, he almost doesn't see the good and the beauty that is still there.
Before the Apocalypse
- Anna, his former leader and general turned fallen angel and traitor, touching his hand and assuring him that it's alright to doubt Heaven, to think for himself, to make his own choices and decide for himself what's right and wrong. Castiel pulling away from her and coldly telling her that he's nothing like her - yet continuing to let her encourage his path towards free will
- Uriel, his partner and ally, who reveals himself a traitor who no longer believes in Heaven, and nearly kills Castiel until Anna interferes - leaving Castiel to wonder if Uriel failed him or if somewhere along the line he failed Uriel.
- Dean confronting Castiel in Heaven's Green Room, knowing that Castiel has begun to question his superiors, trying to make him see that letting the Apocalypse happen is wrong, that Heaven is wrong, that humanity is worth defending... and Castiel shortly after deciding to stand with Dean for what is right, for Dean's cause, for humanity, defying his superiors, and becoming a traitor to his own kind, ready to lay down his billion year long life to defend humanity's right to exist
- Castiel asking Jimmy Novak, a devout Christian, for permission to use his body as a vessel. This memory pack includes confirmation that this body used to belong to a regular normal man with a family, the fact that Castiel briefly had to relocate into Jimmy's 9 year old daughter Claire, who agrees to let Castiel use her to save her father, who then begs Castiel to let his daughter go and take him back as a vessel. When Castiel dies for the first time, so does Jimmy, who now rests in Heaven, and the body is restored without its human soul for Castiel to keep using. Includes memories of previous vessels that Castiel used, but always let go after completing the mission for which he needed a vessel, and a sense of regret and guilt for Jimmy's death making that a moot point with this body. Includes memories of 9 year old Claire praying to Castiel throughout the years to keep her father safe. Castiel has not returned to her in order to tell her that Jimmy has died.
During the Apocalypse
- Various Angels (Hunted and Rebelled): After eventually choosing to decide for himself what he considers right and wrong, defying Heaven's plans and helping the Winchesters in their attempts to stop the Apocalypse and save humanity, being exiled from Heaven and hunted by his brothers and sisters as a traitor and rebel, begging several of them to stand down and not force his hand. They do not stand down, and he defends himself against them, kills them, and subsequently feels guilt and remorse for turning his back on Heaven and defying his siblings, even though he's doing what he believes is right.
- After plotting to summon the archangel Raphael and believing that Castiel will likely end up dead, Dean and Castiel embark on a last night on earth mission in which Dean brings Castiel to a brothel and tries to get Castiel to lose his virginity. Castiel lets a prostitute lead him away at Dean's insistence and assures her that it wasn't her fault her father left but rather his hatred for his job at the post office, which ends up offending her and leads to Dean and Castiel having to make a hasty retreat. In the ally behind the brothel, Dean puts an arm around and Castiel's shoulder and just laughs, causing Castiel to smile. It's a strange memory - but a happy one.
- Various memories of sitting in the back seat of Dean's car, with Sam and Dean in the front, rock music blaring, the world falling to pieces around them, Castiel's brothers and sisters hunting them, and Castiel still feeling like there's something right in the world, at least, right here with these people. The memories have a wistful air to them, like a sense of feeling homesick. Castiel, at this stage in his life, doesn't quite yet know that he considers these humans not just his charges, but his family, and associates their presence with 'home'. The feeling is there, even if at the time he wasn't yet aware of it.
- Trapped in a ring of holy fire, Castiel nearly steps into the flames just to defiantly get into Lucifer's face to tell him: "You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won't let you.", along with the rest of that conversation.
During Heaven's Civil War
- After the archangel Raphael threatens to kill Castiel and restart the Apocalypse heand the Winchesters fought so hard to prevent, various angels rally around Castiel, seeking guidance and leadership from him as the angel who gained free will and stopped the Plan, leaving nothing but choice and freedom in its wake. Fuelled by wanting to protect his loved ones and humanity, but also driven by a growing spark of pride and hubris, Castiel accepts leadership over them, and subsequently starting a civil war in Heaven to defy Raphael's plans. He is continuously forced to abandon his human allies for the war, and his brothers and sisters in heaven for his human allies.
- Praying to God and begging for guidance from his Father, because Castiel feels like he's on a dark path, but sees no other options in order to save everything he holds dear, even if this past is going to cost him the very people he's seeking to protect. Receiving no answer, Castiel concludes that free will is a length of rope, and that his Father must want him to hang himself with it. Feeling alone and backed into a corner of his own making, he doubles down on his path.
- After making a deal with the King of Hell and allowing his own lies and dealings to drive away his friends and allies, Castiel corrupts himself by ingesting thousands of monster souls from Purgatory to finally gain enough power to kill Raphael and put a stop the archangels plan to subjugate Heaven and re-start the Apocalypse. Subsequently, he is overtaken by the sheer power of thousands of ancient, monstrous souls inside of him, and in one fell strike vanquishes every single one of Raphael's supporters, laying waste to half of Heaven's population, killing thousands of angels without giving them a chance to yield.
After the Civil War, Naomi & her Mind-Control:
- Choosing to let Dean escape Purgatory alone in order to stay behind by himself, surrounded by monsters that are relentlessly hunting him, drawn like moths to the light of his grace - thinking that this is where he belongs, that he deserves it in punishment for everything he did wrong, fully believing himself beyond redemption, causing Dean survivor's guilt in the process
- Confessing to Dean that he doesn't want to return to Heaven, not because he's afraid of other angels killing him, but because he's afraid that if confronted with what he did to his own kind, he might just kill himself
- Deciding to find his path to redemption by traveling the world, trying to do good in whatever capacity Castiel can. The opal contains several memories of healing the sick, helping people in need and answering prayers - bringing down a baby's fever, ensuring the survival of a rescue kitten a little girl is praying for, guiding a ship through a storm, steadying a doctor's hand in surgery... and eventually, Heaven catches up to Castiel and drags him back into its fold and away from his chosen path.
- Various memories of being strapped down with the angel Naomi standing over him, inserting a drill into his mind and rearranging it under excruciating pain, trying to 'reset' him to 'factory settings' and turn him back into a mindless soldier, once again stripped of free will
- Wanting to save Samandriel, an angel captured and tortured by demons, but under Naomi's mind control and orders killing him despite begging not to be made to do this, as killing more angels is the last thing that Castiel wants to do
- Being taken back to Heaven to kill life-like copies of Dean Winchester until he breaks and can do it without feeling, without remorse, without caring, like the mindless soldier he's meant to be. It takes hundreds of copies before his mind breaks to her control in the desired way.
- Being forced to try and kill the real Dean by Naomi, pleading with her, trying to refuse her will because he doesn't want to hurt Dean, and yet beating down on his best friend relentlessly while Dean is trying to reach him, remind him of who he is, while Naomi makes him choose: "Us or them." And Castiel chooses, once again, one family over the other. Castiel finally drops his weapon and breaks free of Naomi's control, but not of the guilt he has over how close he came.
- Memories of his last conversation with Naomi, shortly before his death and a while after he's broken through her mind control and was on the run from her: Naomi tells him "You came off the line with a crack in your chassis" and "You don't even die right", plus confirms that she's meddled with his mind "too many times to count", that even though he doesn't remember being involved in atrocities like the massacre of the innocents, he was there, but had to undergo re-indoctrination again... and again... and again... as he 'never quite did as he was told', leaving behind a mind that for billions of years was never his own, filled with holes that he doesn't know about, unable to trust his memories.
Meg
- The following is a bundle of memories about a demon turned reluctant ally turned Castiel's caretaker turned Castiel's love interest, who grew sweet on him as he grew sweet on her, who made him her cause, and who died to ensure his and the Winchester's safe escape from the demon Crowley - a sacrifice that was in vain, because not long after, Cowley eventually deals him the killing blow that ends with Castiel in Beacon.
- The flicker of doubt in her eyes when he tells her Lucifer is only using her and the other demons and doesn't care about her
- Their first and only kiss a long time later as Castiel witnesses her willingness to sacrifice herself to give him and the Winchesters a shot at taking down the demon Crowley
- After she watches over him for weeks while he's broken in a mental hospital, finding comfort in her patience for his state, calling her 'thorny and beautiful' just to see her exasperation while she fights a smile.
- Her declaration that he's just a little bit bad, which is all kinds of hot, and she's just a little bit good (she calls that yuck), including her suggesting that after their current mission the two of them move some furniture and see where things go from there between them. His feeling of fondness for this demon who has decided he's a worthy cause, whose flirtations over the years turned from aiming to vex him to something sweeter
- The ache of feeling her die, a sacrifice made to allow Sam, Dean and Castiel to escape, feeling her death to be another loss he's responsible for, and feeling like she died for nothing because he dies shortly after and ends up in Beacon, a feeling of loss he's kept buried and bottled up along with everyone else he's lost along the way, because he's billions of years old and yet never quite learned how to cope with loss, or how to share the pain of losing siblings and loved ones no one else appears to care about.