if you want her to get something that might help her understand his hangup over his family, she can always see his last death which was at the hands of his older brother, finn, or his siblings klaus/elijah/rebekah ganging up to dagger him (aka put him on ice and shove him in a coffin for several decades) at the beginning of the 1900s.

tl;dr finn cursed kol to die alone using magic because he was annoying him and kol has always been afraid of being by himself/unloved. the other one would probably be more physically violent and show off that he's not exactly a witch! (and he stupidly misses them all, ugh. don't judge him please.)